I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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