i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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