you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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