Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
