I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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