I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
