I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
