I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
