I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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