glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
