if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Even my vagina gasped.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
