a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
