Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
