I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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