...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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