I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize