Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
