I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
