In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
