I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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