Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
