when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
