i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
