If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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