I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will be naked everywhere
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
