She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just found a bag of teeth...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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