I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
