a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my being single is dangerous.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
