You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
