Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
