Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
