hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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