Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If that was your dad, he is hot
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
