so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
