When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
