In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
