I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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