Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
