someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
