its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
