The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
