i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
