I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize