How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
