Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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