So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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