Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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