I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
