Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
