This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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