when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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