I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
