He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
