I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
