i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize