My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
