It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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