hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
