What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
