I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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