Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
