That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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