i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
