Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
