So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
