i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so let's talk penis.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
