She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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