my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize