I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
