Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
