All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
