I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
