census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
