Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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