dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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