Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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