I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
