in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
