is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
