so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
