I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
