can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
