i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize