therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
