Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
