She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
