Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
