Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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