I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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