I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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