Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
