i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In other news, I just burned my penis
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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