i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
