Where is the hickey?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
