dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize