I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
