Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
