so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
