He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
