I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there's paper in my vomit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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