My brain says no but my pants say off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize