My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
