You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
