I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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