Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize