I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
