I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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