we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
