How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
