My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My vagina just clenched in fear
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