Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize