Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
