lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
